I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's never too late to be topless.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
