HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
