we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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