We won't sleep together?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
