Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
