im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
