this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
