I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
