he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
