please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
