Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize