The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It's never too late to be topless.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
