i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
