the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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