i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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