hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
