Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
