cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
