at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
