he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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