What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
