You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
