You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
