You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
