I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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