We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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