If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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