bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
