I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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