Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
