my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
