I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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