Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
