Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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