I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
