So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My vagina just recognized that song.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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