Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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