No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
