i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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