you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
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Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
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thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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