Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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