I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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