can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
