I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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