In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
