if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
