my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize