peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
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I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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