Im at strip club and am horny
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
