my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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