So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
