How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
