So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You ruined the universe
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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