some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
