it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
