Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just googled if crying burns calories
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
