farters have to be the big spoon...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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