I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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