OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
