Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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