The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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