he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
