i was rollin on her like bob the builder
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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